Last Thursday, I went on yet another Internet date. The dude was a lawyer with what my father would call a “good Irish name”–let’s say his name was Sean O’Shaunessey. I actually had fairly a nice time–despite being in the throes of that nasty head cold, so that, by the end of the night, I had a nice pile of snotty cocktail napkins on the table, next to my glass. Sean O’Sean didn’t seem to mind. He was interesting, sweet, paid me a few indeed nice compliments in a way that didn’t feel awkward or corny, and I genuinely liked him A LOT as a person.
And yet . as seems to happen to me a bit too frequently .
Since we were both busy that weekend, we agreed to talk Sunday or so to make another plan. But in the days after the date, I got a few emails from Sean O’Sean, and a “thinking of you” type of text late in the day Saturday . and I began to get the feeling he was pretty into it. So–in keeping with my belief that I should be guided by The Golden Rule in dating, and all things–I sent him an email Monday telling:
Sean O’Sean wrote back to say he HAD felt a spark, and that he didn’t think it would be very productive or comfy to suspend again, under the circumstances.
That made me wonder if I’d screwed up. Should I have just shut up and gone through with another date? Had I hopped the gun?
A few days later, I found my reaction. I happened to be checking out the next chapter of HOW TO LOVE LIKE A HOT CHICK– the book that gave us those suggestions about single-person practices every chick should have–which has been residing on my desk these past few weeks (alongside the two other books I’m reading–WAR+PEACE and WATERMARK). And I noticed a section titled “How to Tell If You Have Chemistry.” The authors went on to list with Three “chemistry cues” .
CHEMISTRY CUE #1: Listen to Your Words
” . When you very first meet a fellow and are in the initial stages of dating, pay attention to what you say to your girlfriends . If you hear yourself telling things like, ‘I don’t know, hookup with him seems like it could be kind of . awkward,’ then you most likely don’t have chemistry with this guy–or at least not the kind that will gargle your skirt up. And that’s the kind of chemistry that you, as a Hot Chick, deserve!”
They proceed: “It’s effortless to find a man who you’ll love to talk to . or share a sundae with, but that doesn’t necessarily make him your flawless paramour. You want a man who wants to eat that sundae off your hot bod, right?” Um, yes. Also, I want to be excited about eating that sundae off HIM.
CHEMISTRY CUE #Two: Get a Good Whiff
In this part, they talk about phermones: the natural figure chemicals that give each and every one of us a fairly unique smell. And they note that when you have crazy chemistry with a boy, his natural figure smell will turn you ON–to the point where even providing his armpits a sniff after a long day will be kind of nice. (Come on–you know its true. That darn Jonas Singer? Man, I was like a bloodhound, when it came to smelling him.)
CHEMISTRY CUE #Three: Picture Your Babies
Here, the authors embark off with a disclaimer: “Now let us be very clear–we don’t mean this in a psycho, crazy damsel way!” As it turns out . they kind of do, but it’s okay. They say that if the thought of whatever baby you might create with the boy makes you the least little bit blessed, that’s a good sign. “But if the thought of your imaginary baby makes you want to run out and get your tubes tied, we’re pretty sure you and the fellow aren’t meant for each other.”
Anyway, it’s mostly CC #1 that I found helpful, particularly that one idea: We should all aim for crazy chemistry–the kind that blows our skirt up! The kind that makes our eyebrows twitch! The kind that swoops us up and throws us down on the bed! Frankly, I’ve never been able to have hook-up WITHOUT that feeling.
Guys . what are your thoughts on all this? In your practice, can chemistry grow out of mutual affection, even when there’s not a strong rip-your-clothes-off desire in the very first place?
PS: Raye: I read your post yesterday and giggled my cut-offs off. Then I told Arlo what you said, and he was like, “Now THERE’S a woman I could do business with.” . And Laura: I picked the name partly because it rhymed with Pickle, which is what I originally dreamed his last name to be, mainly because the word “pickle” is in a song we were talking about. But THAT didn’t go over well at all, as you can imagine. In truth, he is neither pickly nor pumpernickly . more a devilish egg. I don’t know! I’ve got to work on this.