There’s a lot of internet advice about what very first online dating messages should &mdash, and shouldn’t &mdash, say. Let’s get the worst of it over with now. DON’T listen to these people!,
1. Explain that your jokes are jokes.
There is nothing worse than reading a joke that isn’t funny and then having the fact that it isn’t funny, but that somehow someone else thinks it is, explained to you. If your joke isn’t funny to that person, it’s either a) not funny at all, or b) not funny to him/her. You might as well find out right away if your senses of humor* line up.
*Bonus advice: Please don’t just write “I have a good sense of humor” and expect everyone to believe you. You should demonstrate it, or stop telling it.
Two. Exaggerate (or invent) collective interests.
Indeed? In the middle of this city you’re walking around in, surrounded by thousands and millions of people walking, you fear you might be the only one who likes walking? It’s good to express enthusiasm for collective interests, but don’t make them up, and don’t be weird about it. You can only get so excited about both liking pizza.
Three. Convert their interests into relationship metaphors.
Nope!, Do not do this. Metaphors have no place in very first online dating messages, and neither does reading too deeply into someone’s listed interests. Commence ordinary, you maniac.
Four. Help women think, which can be hard.
Pursue, of girlschase.com (get it?), is truly into the idea that guys’ messages to women’ should assume brain-deadness on the part of the recipients: “You need to make it effortless for women and help them think to avoid ending up with message abandonment issues,” he writes, suggesting that guys send ladies messages that ask questions but also partially response them, so it isn’t too hard or whatever.
Anyways, he’s very likely pretty trustworthy, because look below, at the stock photo damsel he posted on his page!, What a stunner!, What kind of office environment is SHE in??
The way all damsels peruse their online dating messages!,
Tho’ much of what you’ll find among internet advice on internet dating is bad, some of it is pretty spot-on and helpful. A lot of it is basic, but not SO basic that it hasn’t kept hundreds and thousands of online daters from violating these Utterly BASIC principles anyway.
Five. Ask a question.
This is so, so basic, but so significant. Make your message one that someone &mdash, anyone &mdash, could conceivably want to response. Writing an interesting question or two can’t ensure a response, but NOTHING CAN. This will only help. But, a lot.
6. Prove you’ve read their profiles.
Chiara Atik at How About We has an significant checkpoint for that message you’re about to send off: Does it PROVE you read the profile of the person you’re sending it to? No? Because then he or she isn’t going to react (unless you are unreasonably hot, in which case, what’s your deal?). You might think your boilerplate message is a clever one, but anyone who’s had an online profile for more than two weeks can earnestly smell the arrival of one in her inbox. Don’t waste your time and don’t waste anyone else’s &mdash, you have to put in a little work this way, but just do it.
7. Shut up about yourself.
If we dreamed to read your profile, we’d have gone to it. An online dating message is not the same (thank GOD) as a job application. It’s presumptuous to list a bunch of unrequested information about yourself in your message, because doing so assumes that this person already thinks of you as a candidate. Instead, as with good peak #Five, use the message to ask about him/her. Talking about yourself, at this point, should be limited, and related to the person you’re interested in.*
*Bonus advice: Never, for the love of god, describe yourself (whether in your profile, or in messages) as a “kick-ass” ANYTHING. Why is this so prominent!,!,!,!,!,!,
8. Speak like a human.
A few years back, the OKCupid blog posted a indeed helpful index of what kinds of messages get responses &mdash, and which ones don’t. Let me tell you, nobody on that site is reading it. And they indeed should!, There’s lots of good stuff here &mdash, write using real words and real sentences, don’t compliment their looks up front, bring up specific interests. Again, you’d think these things would go without telling.