No matter your age, dating can be intimidating. However, it may seem even more stressfull if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time. Fortunately, there are things you can do to help yourself get back out there and love dating again.
Setting Boundaries for Your Fresh Dating Life
It is normal to wonder if dating has switched dramatically, or if you’ll reminisce how to date. The most significant factor is that you should set your own rules.
Internationally Acclaimed Life Strategist Tanja Diamond says, “It’s very significant to set priorities very first, and boundaries as a close 2nd.”
Don’t worry about how others date, but concentrate on what you feel convenient with. If your rule has always been that you don’t smooch on the very first date, then don’t worry about whether it’s “old school.” Age should, at the very least, earn you the right to set some convenient boundaries.
Here are some tips that many choose to go by when dating:
- Only date one person at a time, or be very upfront that you are dating others
- Only meet in public places until you know the other person well
- Don’t rush to monogamy too soon
- Let your family know upfront that you are dating again so they won’t be astonished
Where to Meet People
Finding people to date is not as difficult as you may think, there are a lot of places or ways to meet people.
Friends and Family
Your friends and family are a good source for introducing you to fresh people. They know about your personality and interests and can connect you with people who they know who might have things in common with you. Attending wedding, graduations, and other social gatherings that your acquaintances may have also brings you into contact with a broader number of people – some of them you may hit it off with.
Collective Interests or Hobbies
Another good way to meet people is through your activities and interests. You can meet someone at church, through political events, or other events. If you play a recreational sport, there may be someone at the park who you might find interesting. Think about your hobbies and what you like to do. Joining a club may also increase your exposure to potential dating playmates.
Senior Dating Sites
Online dating is an option for people of all ages – including seniors – and there are a lot of sites that have been established to connect interested seniors. If you are not convenient with computer use, you can take a computer class, get help at the library, or ask your family. You do have to be careful online but if you exhibit caution, you can have access to a broad diversity of people. Online dating is a popular way for people of all ages to meet compatible mates.
“I recommend people Google their prospective date before they meet,” says lifestyle experienced and Huffington Post contributor, Kerri Zane, adding, “I am a big fan of Linkedin for this purpose.”
In addition, April Masini, who writes the critically acclaimed Ask April advice column recommends online daters avoid sending photos of family members, as well as their address or phone number to someone they don’t truly know.
Offline Dating Services
Some seniors love the structure of offline senior dating services where the matchmakers personally select people for you to meet. These services may also plan mixers or other social events that permit you to meet a multiplicity of people at once. While these organizations charge for services and events, many individuals consider the process safe and efficient.
Other offline suggestions, Masini says, include the common areas of medical buildings, local farmers’ markets or even at a local community college when auditing or taking a course on a subject of mutual interest.
What to Do on Dates
Dating should include activities you love. Keep in mind that if you are not convenient going out alone with someone, going in a group or dual dating can take a lot of pressure off of the situation.
Senior couples have a broad range of options for dates. Seniors can do a hobby that both love as a date. For example, if both like to golf, make a date out of the day and include lunch or dinner. A church picnic or going to an event or spectacle can also be joy as well. Other options include:
- Movies or concerts
- Museum or art gallery
- Going on a walk in the local park
- Taking dance lessons
- Wine tasting event.
Masini cautions against bringing a date to a family gathering unless you’re earnestly dating that person. “You’ll send the wrong message to everyone,” she says.
Dating Concerns for Seniors
There are many areas of concern seniors have when thinking about dating again. These fears might range from not being sure how the dating scene has switched to worries about how the family may react and how a potential marriage might affect pensions or social security.
Many widows receive a pension or other income from a deceased hubby. Re-marriage can sometimes make you ineligible for this pension, and you may want to avoid dating so you can avoid getting more deeply involved with someone. Fairly honestly, seniors do have to be clever about finances. The following tips will help you make a wise decision in this area:
- Contact the pension provider and ask for a written list of rules.
- Consult an attorney or retirement specialist to help explain your options.
- Consider if your social security will be diminished.
- Will your fresh, combined income be more or less than what you receive presently?
- What happens if your fresh spouse dies before you?
Albeit it is significant to gather all the facts, sometimes you have to go after your heart and work the finances out. Many senior citizens love active, part-time jobs for this very reason.
Many older folks feel uncertain about hookup with a fresh person. The question also arises as to whether one should have hook-up outside of marriage. Again, the rule is that you make the rules that best suit you. However, if you do choose to have intercourse, you should use protection. Age is not a preventative for sexually-transmitted diseases and you are never too old for safe lovemaking.
Albeit some seniors do practice a reduction in hook-up drive, this is a topic that you may want to discuss with the person you are dating, or planning to marry. An fair discussion of expectations can prevent misunderstandings down the road.
According to Diamond, women should use a high-quality, water-based lubricant. She adds that if bladder leakage is an issue, make sure you have a water proof mattress pad and empty your bladder beforehand.
Toronto’s Dr. Jessica O’Reilly also notes that many studs require extra stimulation to achieve erection and orgasm.
One worry is whether grown children will accept someone fresh in their lives. This will depend upon the personality of the children and your fresh significant other. The best thing to do is to introduce the fresh man or woman in your life to your family and let them begin interacting. Daughters and sons can sometimes worry that the fresh man or woman is attempting to substitute a mother or father. Reassure the children that this is not the case.
Time will tell whether the family is going to mesh well. Albeit the kids’ feelings should be considered, do recall that they no longer live at home. Your happiness is most likely significant to them, and if you express that this fresh person makes you blessed, they are likely to learn to accept him or her in their lives.
Dr. O’Reilly puts it succinctly, “You’re an adult. You have more life and relationship practice than most members of your family, so while you may welcome their input, you’re the ultimate authority on your own love life.”
Take a deep breath and love the process of dating again. No matter your age, there are joys to be had on the dating scene. Be careful and take a chance – you might meet someone wonderful!